The Role of Fear
A while ago, I watched a youtube video by Lynette Adkins. I definitely recommend browsing her channel. She is a media influencer. She also talks a lot about spirituality. And she is the one who sparked up the topic that I have been going over in my head time and time again: fear.
We all have fears individually and collectively. Whether it’s clowns, dying, or not getting your dream job. Fear, like other emotions, comes and goes.
So why do we have fears?
Where do they come from?
Fear is a basic human emotion. Fear works as an instinct that is triggered when we need protection of some sort. Besides being a natural survival instinct, fears are also put in place by our experiences growing up, our peers, and our family. Though society too plays a part in why we develop fears.
Growing up, we come across multiple fears, most being fear of spiders and of the dark. More commonly physical things or things made up that we believed were physical. For me, it was la llorona or el cucuy. These fears were placed on me by my parents, so I could listen when they wanted me to sleep. (As most parents did to their kids.)
Later on in life, we build more serious and intricate fears. These ones are along the lines of fear of abandonment or of sickness. These can come from our own experiences or from seeing others.
Then there are the fears we develop from a societal stance. Fear of being judged, fear of failure/ not being successful, and many others. These stem from the pressure to fit in or be doing just as well as everyone else appears to be doing.
Our fears come from our past. In addition to that, we have anticipatory fears which are fears that develop before the cause has time to appear. One example would be the strong feeling that some bad event will happen later in life. Like breaking a bone in the future.
But is fear working for us or against us?
Well, in order to know that, we need to know what kinds of fears we’re working with. There are three types: rational, primal, and irrational.
Rational fears are the ones that pose an actual threat. For example, getting robbed.
Primal fears are programmed and often exhibit a reaction. These are fears of spiders and such.
Then there are irrational fears. These are the fears that don’t make logical sense. They range from a wide variety and depend on the person as well. For example, fear of clowns. Or fear of tables.
We also need to be able to understand which fears are healthy and which ones are not.
A healthy fear is one that keeps you safe from danger. If while on a hike you see a bear, you will try your best to avoid the bear by hiding or running away. This is your fear working to keep you safe.
A bad fear is one that prevents you from doing something that could benefit you or that you would otherwise enjoy. An unhealthy fear makes you OVERLY cautious. For example, the fear of speaking up. Speaking up might intimidate you but there’s no need to fear it. Especially if the chances of speaking up get you a pay raise. The fear holds you back from getting more money.
There’s also something I like to call spiral fearing. This is when you fear one thing and that one fear creates a bunch of sub-fears. Let’s say you fear failing a test. Normal right? Then you start fearing you’ll fail the class because the test is 90% worth your grade. Then you fear you’ll have to repeat the class, and that you’re GPA will go down. And then you fear that this sudden downslide will ruin your chances at grad school. See how one little fear created more.
Fear very much spirals. If we let it.
So, how much would you believe me if I said the world works on fear?
We are a fear-based society. What I mean by that is, we get motivation from our fears to keep working at something for either ourselves or others.
If you have a family of four you will make damn sure you don’t lose your job to support that family. The fear in this case is stronger than the belief of that person knowing their worth when it comes to the workplace. This fear is a bad one. Instead, the person should acknowledge the fact that this fear of losing the job is there but be driven by the motivation the family gives to excel in their work, and understand that this job allows them to be able to support their family. This is how the fear would be working for that certain individual.
Fears are completely necessary to have. They start to work against us when they block us from benefitting or enjoying something. You have to come to terms with your fear and have control over it. Not the other way around. Fear should never control you.
Fear will always find its way to slip into our lives, but it’s up to us to choose what to do knowing those fears exist.
How Can I Get More Control Over My Fears?
To jump in with my personal experience, I had a ton of fears in the past. They started around the time I was first playing around with the idea of creating a blog. I had all these intruding thoughts pouring out of me in response to trying to do something for myself.
“No one is going to read it.”
“Nobody really cares what you have to say.”
Before I could officially start, I had placed this fear of failure on myself. (This fear was my biggest and it trumped all others.) This fear held me back from something that I’d actually enjoy doing and that could benefit me in the future. I listened closely as this fear whispered in my ears. I let it control me because I believed it. I did nothing to stop it from consuming me.
After a few months, I realized that it didn’t even matter. The thoughts. Fears. I should just write because I wanted to. I reached a point where I didn’t care about the good or bad outcomes of making this blog. I focused only on what interested me most, writing. So I wrote and wrote and came up with ideas until it was all out of my system. Before I noticed, I had done most of the hard part already. I got through that breaking point. I saw past the fear.
Even though at times, those fears lurk back into my life, I remind myself that they are just fears. There is no actual threat to them. And failure is only progress I wish to happen in order to take a step forward to know something more.
So that being said,
Take your time. Embrace your fears. Reflect on them. Where do they come from? Why do you have them?
Don’t panic about the fact that sometimes things will be out of your control.
Imagine the worst. Once you’ve done that, you’ll see that your life will keep going!! You’ll keep living it.
Face your fears. Or at least gain the upper hand on them.
Life is too short to be afraid of clowns. (I was for such a long time and I honestly can’t remember why, but you get my point heh.)
Side note: if you find that your fears are an everyday thing then it could be related to an anxiety condition. That may be something to go deeper into and solve on a long-term basis. Just to be aware.
Fear is scary only when you can’t see it because you go looking for it and it blinds you all the same.
