Tell Me Why / It Hurts
A collection of poems
Stuck
Every morning a trance begins in my childhood bed
where I’ve been warped into a black room
and a spotlight follows me like a halo above my head
every action a new shot of cinematography
it starts with my toes gliding off the side of the mattress
my heart rate jumps excessively & my face becomes a bowl of sweat
I stand naked under my private downpour
as my tongue saves the taste of eggs, cheese, & bacon
my fingerprints leave blotchy, wet traces on the bottom right corner pages of a blurred book that keeps turning blank
suddenly my hands sound the clickety-clack on the keyboard for hours
tab enter tab enter
my pulse throbs
swollen & cramping, my hands form like bear claws frozen in a block of ice
the ice cracks like it’s chiseled & a pool of water streams into darkness
but my eyes never open
until I reach out my arm to tap off my alarm
Under a Maple Tree
My tears stream into fantasy
let me fall as a brown maple leaf
to the cement ground & be
dusted by the whooshing wind
let me be animated by the sun
for just a moment’s time
before I’m crunched-
in the palm of your hand
my curled edges reaching
for your knuckles but
weakened, becoming
less than ash
Untitled
writing letters for you
with my horrible handwriting
is exhausting.
writing every thought about you
before my mind chooses to forget it
leaves me with an aching wrist & bruised pinkie
brushing page after page
glorified words are my fresh coat
of paint
that remind me of the scent of your scalp
reminiscing my hands gliding through
your hair; outlining
details on your face
to remember
the strokes when I put you on a canvas
these actions guided by my heart,
not mind, tell of love
a love one-sided, thick & heavy
as my blood that bleeds cold
my heart believes
when our hands graze each other
it’s a vessel that bridges us
have you opened any of the 1,256 pages?
___
a year of letters have passed.
I’ve guess-decided
you’ve thrown my letters away
all they’ve become is landfill
still real, every word still alive
floating in existence
unless you burned them,
forgot me, & erased her
who loves you.